SPEAKER_00 0:00

What are you willing to lose to become who you said you wanted to be? Welcome back to Pivot to Profit where personal growth meets business strategy. I'm your host, Tavier Wooly. This podcast exists for people who are navigating pivots in their life, whether that's in business, identity, leadership, purpose, or just figuring out what the next chapter of your life is. And today we're going to talk about something that I think is missing from most of the like personal and professional development conversations. We talk a lot about who we want to become. We talk about leveling up. We talk about professional and personal development. We talk about becoming healthier, wealthier, and wiser. We talk about vision boards. And I love me a vision board. And we also talk about manifesting. We even say things like new year, new me, who this. But what we rarely talk about is the cost. Because becoming the person you said you wanted to be will cost you something. Sometimes it costs you comfort. Sometimes it costs you habits. And sometimes it will even cost you identities you've held on for years. And sometimes it costs you people. So the question I want to ask you today is this What are you willing to lose in order to become the person you said you wanted to become? Because growth is not just about what you gain. A lot of times, growth is about what you lose in the process. So let's get into the starting point that I think nobody talks about. One of the first things you have to do when you're getting ready to grow. And it's the thing that quite honestly a lot of people try to avoid, myself included. And the reality is you have to get brutally honest about who you currently are. And I mean real honest. See, most of us fantasize about the destination. I love visualizing. Remember pivot method? Yes, visualization. Love it. We fantasize about the person we want to be. We want to be fit. We want to be athletic. We want to be financially successful. We want to be well-spoken, confident, and poised. We want to walk into rooms and command attention. We imagine the end result. But very few people spend time evaluating the starting point. And that looks like where am I really right now? What are the habits I actually have? And what behaviors do I find myself repeating? And what emotional patterns show up in my life? What am I tolerating that I shouldn't be tolerating? Might have touched a sore spot with that one. What fears are running my decisions? Because fact is, you cannot build a roadmap to where you want to go unless you know where you are starting from. And you have to be honest with yourself about where that is. And while I know honesty can be very uncomfortable, like being honest with other people is uncomfortable, but being honest with yourself is challenging and uncomfortable. Because sometimes when we really evaluate ourselves, we see things we don't like. We see the patterns that we've been repeating. We see the excuses that we've been holding to on and holding on to and reusing quite often. We see habits that don't align with who we say we want to be. And the reality is that becoming a better version of yourself requires something that most people don't realize. You have to dismantle parts of who you currently are. You have to shed the old behaviors, the old thought processes, old reactions, old coping mechanisms, and old identities. You have to take apart the person you've been operating as in order to rebuild something new. So let's get into something that really just resonates with me. When life forces you to reflect, for me, that process really intensified about two years ago after my mother passed away. And losing a parent is something that shifts your whole, I don't know, like perspective on life and what you're doing and how you're going to show up. For those who haven't experienced it, it's sometimes it's hard to explain. Be thankful and grateful that you haven't experienced it yet. But what we know about life is those days do come. My mother was the cornerstone of our family, like most mothers are. She was the one person who had known me since the moment I entered this world. She saw every version of me. Sometimes not very well. She saw the childhood version, the teenage version, the struggling version, the successful version, the not so smart version. She saw all of it. So when she passed away, it forced me to sit with some really big questions. Questions that I think we all eventually have to face, as I already shared. Like when you start to really get in this process, you're asking yourself, what am I actually doing with my time here? When it's my time to leave this earth, how will my life be remembered? Did I live intentionally? Did I become the person I was capable of becoming? Or did I just spend most of my life reacting to circumstances? And my personal reality was when I started to reflect on my life, I realized something that I think other people will eventually realize too. And I hope they realize it sooner rather than later. A lot of who I had become was not intentionally designed. It was shaped by my circumstances. It was shaped by survival. It was shaped by the expectations. I'm an eldest daughter here, which included responsibilities and roles. And over time, you grow into identities you never consciously chose.

unknown 5:49

Whew.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

That's a whole other episode. And when I started asking myself, who do I really want to become? I realized that if I wanted to become a more intentional version of myself, a more tabier-defined version of myself, then I had to start undoing some things. I had to start questioning my own behaviors. Why do I respond this way? Why do I even think this way? Why do I tolerate certain things? And why do I react emotionally in certain situations? And let's be honest, when you start asking those questions honestly, you begin to uncover things that have been operating in your life without you even realizing it. So here's a disclaimer. I'm gonna say this a few times. Okay. This is when you need to have certified support in this process because it will be super helpful to you. I would actually almost say it's really essential. In this case, certified help is when I say certified help, I'm referring to a licensed mental health professional. If you're on the fence about it, I hope this episode is a tipping point for you. So the best analogy I can give you for this process is like renovating an old house. If you've ever watched a renovation show, I love them. I know you probably do too. You know, the first thing they do when they start remodeling a house is they gut it. They tear out the cabinets, they rip out the drywall, and they pull up the flooring. They remove everything inside until all that's left are the bones of the home. And the reason they often keep the bones is because rebuilding the entire structure would be extremely expensive. So if the bones are solid, you keep the bones. But here's the interesting thing. When contractors start gutting a house, they often discover things. Who do they discover things? They discover the mold behind the walls, the dry rot in the wood, electrical issues, structural problems, things that were hidden for years behind paint and drywall. And personal growth works the exact same way. When you start gutting old habits, old beliefs, old identities, you begin to see things that you didn't notice before. You see your own patterns, you see your wounds, you see your insecurities, you see the fears, they exist. You see coping mechanisms that you developed out of survival or trauma. And that process can be emotionally exhausting because sometimes we realize the person we've been operating as wasn't fully intentional. It was survival. Oh Lord, was it survival? But guess what? There's still more. When a house gets gutted, there's a moment where everything is gone. The space is completely empty. No furniture, no cabinets, just open space and exposed structure. In personal growth, you experience a similar moment. After you start removing the behaviors and patterns, you sit there thinking, who am I now? What am I rebuilding? And what do I want this next version of my life to look like? And before we even rush into rebuilding, slow down, don't do that just yet. There is something important that needs to happen. You have to sit with what you've uncovered. You have to process it. And this is where I'll emphasize something that I believe strongly in therapy, coaching, support systems. Because when you start digging in your own patterns and experiences, you are going to uncover things that require processing. And if you don't process them, guaranteed they'll show up later. I promise. Like there's freckles on my face, promise. You might build a beautiful new version of your life, but the same unresolved issues will start showing up in the walls of that new home. So once you process what you've uncovered, then it's time to design the new house. This is kind of like the fun part. What does a new version of you look like? What habits does this person have? And here's the big B word. What boundaries does this person hold? What kind of work does this person do? What kind of relationships does this person have? But here's something else that's also important. When you're designing the new version of yourself, you can't only think about this season. You have to think about the long run. Life is not lived in five-year increments. Life is decades. If we're blessed, life could be 80, 90, or even 100. So the foundation you build for yourself now should be able to support you through those different seasons, such as growth, loss, change, success, challenges, of course, challenges. And once you've designed that version of yourself, then comes a part that many people underestimate. That's called the work. And it's called work for a reason. Yep, it's work. In this season of my life, I'm experiencing that process again through tennis. Now, tennis is my favorite sport. I played in high school. I've always loved the game. It's like the one sport I play and enjoy watching. But recently I made the decision that I wanted to get to a level of competition, um, skill sets, playing in tournaments again. Now, you would think that since I played tennis before, getting back into it would be like a breeze, you know, just a little conditioning and I'll be ready to go again, right? No. No. But here's what I've learned. The way tennis was played back when I played in high school has completely changed. The grip is different, the technique is different, and the strategy is definitely different. And what that means is I had to unlearn everything I thought I knew. Well, because it was obsolete. And that process is uncomfortable because when you're used to being good at something, yeah, I was good once upon a time. It's frustrating to suddenly be not good. It's horrible, actually. Sometimes even terrible. Oftentimes, in my case. And I think this is something people overlook when they talk about personal development. Growth often requires you to go back to being a beginner, to be messy, to make mistakes, to look awkward. Lord, if you come to the tennis court, I look really awkward. To not know what you're doing again. And that requires humility. A whole lot of it. Every journey has three stages: the beginning, the messy middle, the super messy middle, and the breakthrough. The beginning's exciting. Everything feels new. I bought me a new tennis racket, new outfits, looking real cute on the court. Everything feels possible. I'm imagining that I'm playing at the US Open, right? But then the messy middle rolls in. And that's where most people quit. And honestly, I've thought about quitting several times. That's where the excitement fades. That's where progress feels excruciatingly slow. That's where doubt creeps in. That's where people start saying things. And when I say people, I'm including myself, when they start saying things like this, maybe this isn't for me. Maybe I'm too old. Maybe I'm not good enough. And I will never be good enough again. Maybe I should just go back to what I was doing before. But if you can push through the messy middle, something incredible starts to happen. You begin to see the new version of yourself emerging. And that's when the next challenge appears. I know I'm not letting up, y'all. This is this is real and wrong. It's not gonna be like a happily ever after all the time. All right, so just get used to it. When the new version of you starts showing up, not everybody will be ready for it. I'm gonna hold your hand. Okay. People are used to the version of you they've always known. They know how that version behaves, they know what to expect, they know how to interact with that version. And when you change, it disrupts their comfort. Now let me be very clear about something. We don't burn bridges. Okay, not all the time. But in this case, let's not burn bridges, okay? Burning bridges is unnecessary in this example. There's times when we should. That's another podcast episode. But we do have to recognize that sometimes people belong to a specific season of our lives. And when that season ends, it's okay to move forward. It doesn't mean you aren't loyal, it doesn't mean you discard people. It simply means you recognize that that version of yourself you're becoming requires alignment. Finding your new tribe. And this brings me to something just as important. As you evolve, you may need to build a new circle. I know, y'all. I know. We're gonna require a new tribe. People who support this version of ourselves that we are committed to becoming. This new tribe will be made up of people who challenge you, people who encourage your growth, and people who hold you accountable. There's a saying that goes something like this. I'm probably gonna butcher it, but you'll get the point. Show me the five people you spend the most time with, and I'll show you what your future will look like. The people around us influence our success, our mindsets, our business, our happiness, and the decisions we make. So if you've done the work to become a new version of yourself, you also have to invest in building a community that supports that. Because growth rarely happens in isolation, very rarely, unless you're a mold, then yeah, you'll be fine. It happens in community. So as we wrap up this conversation, I want to leave you with the same question I asked you at the beginning. If you truly want to become the person you say you want to be, what are you willing to lose? Are you willing to lose comfort? Old habits, old identities, certain relationships? Are you willing to be bad at things again while you learn? Are you willing to sit in the messy middle? Because becoming who you're meant to be, it isn't just about adding new things to your life. Sometimes it's about having the courage to let go of the things that no longer belong. Thank you for joining me for this episode of Pivot to Profit where personal growth meets business strategy. If this conversation resonated with you, share it with someone else who might also be navigating their own pivot. And remember, growth isn't just about who you are becoming, it's about who you're willing to leave behind. Hey y'all, I'll see you in the next episode.